Redemptive Grace
by OlivePankakes
Summary: Edward Cullen appears to have it all. He is handsome, rich, & successful. However he is also someone that is harboring a secret from his family. Will Bella Swan be able to break down his walls and finally push him to obtain the help that he needs?
1. Prologe Hope for the Hopeless

Preference - Hope for the Hopeless

"_Most of the important things in the world have been accomplished by people who have kept on trying when there seemed to be no hope at all._" - Dale Carnegie

I used to believe life just coasted by us, and time meant almost nothing. I used to believe that living in the moment mattered more than anything and yet at the same time mattered noting at all. I used to believe that life never really changed it just temporarily gave us small moments of relief from our pain and guilt. I used to believe that no good really existed in the world, that good was only subjective. I used to believe that love was lust filled with illusion. I used to believe that I needed something to dull and numb the pain that just came with living.

I used to be wrong.

Now standing here in front of this podium in front of people who have for the most part believed one, more or possibly everything that I used to believe; the lies about the wo rld I used to believe. I have come to the realization that people and time really has made a difference.

Time change us.

Time has changed me.

Time has taught me lessons that dulling and numbing myself never could.

Time has brought me love.

Time has taught me how to love.

Time has been part of my saving grace.

I wanted so much to share this with everyone here, I wanted them to believe me and not just think that I was the type of person that these revelations had been easy for. The truth of the matter is I have always taken the hard way. I have never been the type of man that took the path not littered with unnecessary obstacles. I am the man that has stumbled along the darkest road until he found his way out tripping over every wrong decision and wrong word, time and time again.

The dull little room was lit warmly and in the back sat the most important people in the universe to me. The people that had helped me when I was too obstinate to help myself. The people despite all of my faults were here supporting me now. The people that I will never take for granted again. The hope, pride and love that radiated from their eyes and there simple smiles were enough to make me want to share my story, to give some other hopeless soul before me the hope that I craved. If I could help them light their dark path I would. I would extended a hand to try and help pull them from the darkens as the seven faces in the back of the room had done for me. I would tell my story. I would relive my past no matter how much hurt and how much pain that I would feel now. I would do it for all of them.

I tapped on the microphone attached to the podium. "Okay I think that this is on." I smiled at the crowd. Some smiled back others I feel maybe still couldn't. "Hello, My Name is Edward Cullen and I am an alcoholic."


	2. Scotch and Peas

**Chapter 1 - Scotch and Peas**

**EDWARD - Scotch**

"_Relationships are like glass. Sometimes it's better to leave them broken than try to hurt yourself putting it back together." - Anonymous_

"Choose now." She spoke the words with perfect simplicity. She had to know the answer before she even made the statement. Now she just waited on my confirmation. Choose…the word rang in my ear…choose. Part of me wanted to hide my amusement, part of me wanted to laugh at her. Choose…okay she wanted a choice, I could give her that.

"Go Tanya." I said in a simplicity that matched her own.

I was releasing her. Releasing her from what ever prior obligation she felt toward me. Even though we both knew that she had none. The fact was Tanya had started as a one night stand that I had allowed to turn far too much into a relationship. I silently reminded myself that this is why relationships are a bad idea, and that I was going to hurt her tonight. Now, she would no longer remember me as the man who gave her one of the best nights of her life; She would remember me as the asshole who broke her heart. She would be right, because even now as the hurt flashed in her big china doll blue eyes I could not muster enough emotion to care. She shouldn't want me anyway. Let's face it I was dead inside.

"Edward, so help me, if I walk out that door I will not walk back though it." She said crossing her arms and stomping her foot. I thought that women only did that in bad 80's chick flicks. Besides lets face it we both knew her words were lies, if I asked her to walk back through my door then she would. She had made this threat before and always came back at my will. But this time was different, for me. This time I would not ask her to come back. This is a fact that escaped neither of us. I sighed.

"Do us both the favor," I said looking into her eyes.

She bit her bottom lip hard, a habit I noticed she adopted before she was about to shed a rain storm from her eyes. She still stood in her spot, just looking at me, searching for something in my eyes that wasn't there. Maybe she was waiting on me to find my heart. I wouldn't. I knew deep down my next words would seal our fate. This is the phrase that would send he on her merry way. It was wrong of me to say it because it wasn't entirely true but I was sick of the drama with her. I was sick of her demands. I was sick of her trying to get me to put a ring on her left hand. I was just sick of it all.

"Tanya, I told you that I was not in this for love, I was in this for a good fuck every now and again. You agreed. Now that you are no longer that, pack your stuff and leave." If I could have hated myself for the words I would have but I just didn't have it in me.

My prior assumption had been right. My last statement had sent her over the edge and it was the first time that I had the feeling maybe she was even more done with me than I was with her. She stomped back to the bedroom that we sometimes shared and gathered what I could only imagine was the last remaining shreds that she had ever held a place in my life. When she emerged I could tell that she had been crying, her mascara running down her face made her look like she was an extra in an Alice Cooper video.

"You know Edward you could have had a future with me. I would have been good for you." I rolled my eyes as I could feel her monologue coming on, I had never been a fan of those. Couldn't she just save it and leave with dignity? "I would have been good for you. I was the good one in this relationship. You are just an arrogant son of a bitch who drinks too much. You will never have anything, no one will ever put up with your self indulgent bull shit. You will end up alone and one day you will wish that you hadn't let me walk away from you like this, one day you will regret losing me." She said her tears falling freely.

"Are you finished? If so lock the door on your way out and leave your key on the table." I said leaning my head back onto the back of the sofa and closing my eyes. Maybe if I ignore her she will go away sooner. I was tired of her nonsense and ready for a drink. The darkness inside was starting to set in and I just wanted her gone. We had played this game long enough.

"You are fucked up Edward." She said and then I heard the door slam behind her. She was finally gone, but I kept my eyes shut longer than was necessary just to make sure. When I finally decided I could wait no longer for a drink I opened them. I silently said a prayer of thanks that she had finally found the strength to walk away. Part of me was proud of her. I wanted to laugh at myself again instead I made my way to my liquor cabinet and poured myself a scotch. The fragrance inmmedinetly sent a wave of calm over my immense aggravation. I inhaled the delicate and comforting scent of candied fruit and cinnamon.

Mindlessly, I turned on the flat screen and flipped even more mindlessly through the channels, there was nothing on, there never was. I settled on some generic slasher flick and let my mind wonder. Tanya was right about me, I was fucked up. On the outside I was what every little princess wanted to take home to mommy and daddy. I was successful, rich, I could be charming, and I knew I was good looking. On the inside though I was what every mother warned her daughter to steer clear of. I was arrogant. I was a workaholic. I was a womanizer. I tried to push everyone away from me. I drank far too often. I was not a nice person. I was not the type of person anyone should want to be with. I was the bad guy in my twisted movie, I was no where near the white knight.

Despite all of Tanya's flaws she was a nice girl. True she was shallow, she was not the brightest crayon in the box and part of me wondered if she wanted to be my girlfriend because it somehow gave her a little status. She had even tried to fix me and my damaged ways in the same way that my mother tried to fix old houses and the fact irritated me. She wasn't the first to try but perhaps the most unsuccessful.

However, even with those keen observations to the negative I knew that she was beautiful, she was nice most of the time, she was funny and she put up with my toxic ways. She was the type of girl that most guys not only wanted in their bed but as a permanent fixture in their life. She was they type of girl that men married. It was extremely unfortunate for her that I was just not that of guy that girls married. I was looking for more than she could give me. I was looking for more, and I didn't quite know what that meant.

I poured myself another scotch, this was going to be a long night.

**BELLA ****- Peas**

"_Love grows where trust is laid and love dies where trust is betrayed_."

_- __Anonymous_

"Jacob just leave." I wanted to slam the door in his face, no correction I wanted to slam the door into his face and break his nose. How many times to you have to reject someone. How many times do you have to tell them to leave? How many times is he going to make me relive what he did to me? Nice Bella was gone and now the only Bella that remained for him was bitch Bella. He had used up all my patients for him.

"Bella she didn't mean anything to me. It was one night." He pleaded. I hated it when he begged like a dog. On most men vulnerability could be enduring on him it just disgusted me. Right now everything about him disgusted me.

"Well you should have thought of that before you stuck your dick where it didn't belong!" I screamed at him. Oh yeah nice Bella would have never said that one.

"Bella please." More begging, brought more disgust and even though he towered over me I took my hand and slammed into his chest hard over and over again. Not that it did any good he didn't even move but my hand sure did hurt now.

"Jake if you don't leave now I am going to call Charlie and tell him to bring his gun! He is not quite the president of your fan club anymore!" I screamed, walking him forward and pushing him out the door. Sometimes it came in handy to have your father be the chief of police.

"Bells…" He started as I slammed the door, not into his nose but at least he was out of my sight now. Then I felt it, the guilt. Nice Bella was coming back, then bitch Bella kicked her. I was not at fault for this. I did not tell Jacob to cheat on me. I have been a good girlfriend, maybe not the best but still I knew enough about relationships that I have been good. I loved him. I did. But now I love me more. I stumbled to the fridge and grabbed a bag of frozen peas to nurse my already sore hand. It would defiantly be bruised tomorrow.

I groaned making my way to my bedroom and flopping down on the bed. Tomorrow was going to be hard enough without having a hand that looked like I had gotten into a confrontation with a boxer. I had been preparing for this meeting for weeks. Tomorrow would be my third and finally pitch to the Cullen Corporation to try and raise money for the literacy project, that would help to raise money not only for school books and supplies for children from lower income families but would also help with funding to get children books that they would enjoy reading.

I had convinced all of the executives at the company except for one. The one that had always been away on business when I had campaigned, the only ones who's opinion really mattered. The golden boy Cullen himself. Apparently he didn't trust his staff enough to pick out which charity ventures would benefit the company's PR the most. Sure there were other companies in the Seattle area that would fund my project but none of them had the media outlets that the Cullen Corporation had at their disposal. They owned all of the local TV and radio stations. They could really get our message out there. Their support could make all the difference.

To say that I am nervous would be a massive understatement. Just thinking about it made my stomach twist and turn. I had heard a lot of rumors about Edward Cullen, not to mention all the stuff that Patty Perry's gossip column in the Seattle Tribune reported on his social life. From what I could gather he was arrogant, snobbish, a womanizer, a playboy and an all around jerk. He was Patty Perry's favorite victim. Although I use the word victim loosely. From what I could tell he deserved his reputation. Even now it was hard to admit to myself that in college I had a bit of a crush on him, like a silly girl would have on her favorite movie star. He after all he was devastatingly handsome at least he was in the news papers and on the news. But I couldn't think of any of these things now, I needed to sleep and the fact remained that I lay my fate in his hands tomorrow.

Somewhere in my thoughts I fell into a restless sleep. I usually had vivid dreams but all I could remember of these dreams were a pair of emerald eyes. They were beautiful eyes but unsettling. They held darkness and secrets. I couldn't put my fingerer on it but I was sure that I had seen the eyes somewhere before. I managed to pull myself from my dream world in time to realize I had overslept and my hand was now throbbing.

One glance down at my hand told me what I already knew, my knuckles despite my efforts with my now soggy bag of peas, are bruised and swollen. Great Bella now Edward Cullen is going to think that you double as a cage fighter after office hours. I almost chuckled to myself , from what I had heard of him he would probably like that. At least he would think that I am much more interesting than I actually am. With that last thought I rolled myself out of bed and drug my self to the shower.

Before I left my apartment I took a mental note and glanced at myself in the mirror. My hair which I usually did not fix and hung down back was now softly curled. My face which usually did not show any sign of make up shown the signs of mascara and lip plumping gloss. I straightened my black pencil skirt and red belt that Angela had helped me pick out on our last shopping trip. I had paired it with a soft white slightly ruffled shirt and a pair of heels that were not too high but high enough to be a hazard to my coordination. I would have never worn them but Jessica and Angela insisted that I must look sexy when meeting Edward Cullen. They believed it would help me get my way. I just hoped that I didn't trip and fall during the middle of my presentation, I am sure that being a complete klutz is not what he considers the height of sexiness. I took a deep breath, here goes nothing, or everything. "You can do this Bella." I urged myself forward.

"_Sad endings begin every new romance." - __Anonymous_

A/N: Thank you all for reading. I am begging for reviews to let me know what you think, let me know if you like or dislike or if I should just scrap the story. J


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